we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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