you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
