Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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