the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
