I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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