So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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