felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
