wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
