I just saw a hot homeless man
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize