I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize