Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
