Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
