Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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