You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
