yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize