i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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