So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
