well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
