Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
