Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
