If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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