No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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