Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
