so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
