Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
