I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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