Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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