Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
