new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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