The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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