mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
