Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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