I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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