I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
