You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
