Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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