Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
