i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
