Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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