apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
