That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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