for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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