My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
