I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
