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At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
