There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
