There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
