He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
