You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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