I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
they need to just BURY HIM!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's rum buckets o'clock
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
