i'm lost and i look like a hooker
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
