I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
