im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
