His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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