Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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