shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
