Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
