I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
