Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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