I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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