the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can Purell be used as lube?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A bitchslap is in order.
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