my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
